Mental health advocates say action, not compassion, is essential to addressing loneliness for Australians
Loneliness is on the rise in Australia and is leading mental health advocates to ask, what can people do about it?
Surveys have found that more than 50 percent of people report feeling more lonely since the start of the coronavirus pandemic, with youth or vulnerable groups particularly at risk.
Phil McAuliffe established himself as The Loneliness Guy in 2018 and The Loneliness Guy in 2020 after going through his own bout of loneliness while working as an Australian government diplomat in Korea.
Seven years ago, just before his 40th birthday, McAuliffe realized he was not living his authentic life, and that coming out alone would also mean coming out as gay to his family, including his now ex-wife.
“Something was missing and I didn’t understand what it was, but then how could I talk to someone when… I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to?” He said.
Nobody to call
Mr. McAuliffe had not been in touch with his university friends, and as everyone became so busy with work, family, relationships, and children, he didn’t feel he could really pick up the phone.
He said, “I said to my ex… I think I might be lonely. And she said, ‘I’ve been wondering about it.'”
When he decided to call his employer’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP) hotline from his office in Korea, he realized Australia needed to reform how it understood, dealt with and accepted loneliness.
“I’ve since realized that compassion feels like we’re doing something about loneliness in an understandable way,” he said.
“But it actually puts a distance between the person who says they are lonely, and the person who receives that news.”
Now happily married with two children and serving as a guest speaker and trainer for diplomats and LGBTQIA+ people, Mr. McAuliffe has left the Diplomatic Service and is working to teach people how to identify and talk about loneliness.
In regional Victoria, the city of Greater Bendigo included social connection and reduced loneliness, as well as community involvement and belonging, as factors in its five-year healthy living strategy.
As part of the strategy, the Social Prescribing Project is being offered in partnership with the Murray Primary Health Network and local providers.
Bendigo-based comedian and commentator Simon Amuhanga told ABC Central Victoria Breakfast presenter Rebecca Norman that strategies are needed to overcome loneliness in Australia.
“I’ve lived on my own, which is different from loneliness, for 17 years and don’t suffer much from loneliness, but I think it has more to do with it,” said Ms. Amuhanga.
“Loneliness to me means not being heard or understood.”
Loneliness versus social isolation
The AIHW defines social isolation as a state of not having much contact with others, while loneliness, according to a 1982 study by academics Letitia Ann Peplau and Daniel Perlman, describes the negative feelings someone has about a less than desired level of social contact.
Enter a Dutch supermarket slow payment lanes for lonely seniors who just want to chat.
The checkout agent deliberately takes her time scanning items to chat with the customer. The experiment was so popular that the company launched the initiative in 200 stores across the country.
Working for Catholic Education Sandhurst Dja Dja Wurrung and Yorta Yorta man Troy Firebrace provide insight into the minds of students and teachers in more than 50 schools across northern and central Victoria.
He believes that feeling misunderstood, or struggling to understand others, is among the issues that contribute to the loneliness that children and young adults can experience.
Mr Firebrace, who works as an Aboriginal education officer and artist, said prejudices can affect people’s ability to communicate.
“Having conversations with people who have the mindset of being open about who they are, no matter who they are, is so important,” he said.
“This is the only way we can live a balanced life — to feel as though we are not cut off from society, to feel as though we are accepted in that moment.
Calls for help remain high
Calls to Lifeline about loneliness and isolation are still loud in the Loddon Mallee area, which includes more than a quarter of the state of Victoria.
There is an assumption that the number of calls related to loneliness and isolation will decrease once the lockdown is lifted, said Lisa Renato, an executive at Lifeline Loddon Mallee.
“It’s not what we’ve ever seen,” she said.
“This level of people reaching out when they feel lonely or isolated is a really positive and encouraging sign.
As for McAuliffe, he was tired of pretending everything was fine.
He said, “I decided to start looking out into the world more like me. Part of that process, and that took a few years, was unraveling two aspects of myself.”
“I came to my wife then and a few years later, with some close friends. It was coming out as gay with same-sex attraction, but also coming out lonely.”
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